Where are the men?

Weddings are about women. Here's proof enough; the Rose City Bridal Showcase will be held in October the same weekend as the 16th Annual Northwest Women's Show (?). Both will be held in the Oregon Convention Center, and on the Bridal Showcase page, they pitch the other with the line: "Two great women's events all in one location."

Men are truly secondary to the whole concept of the wedding, even though one would think they would feature fairly prominently. They feature, to be sure, but the marketing of the Wedding Industrial Complex treats them as just so much decoration along with the flowers and the cake and the cute Chinese take-away boxes personalized with the Happy Couple's names filled with meaningless party favors. It's a wonder those sites don't have groom vendors through which one can procure the requisite Dream Boat. No, that's one part of the wedding schtick that's still DIY, although I have to note that no small number of "wedding stories" featured on sites like The Knot and The Wedding Channel and OneWed and Martha Stewart Weddings start with something along the lines of, "They met on Match.com..." I need to start bookmarking those when I run across them. They're positively mundane. Thank goodness I was at least a little bit original and scored my groom on Craig's List.

Of course, Jerry Seinfeld perfectly captured the seemingly throw-away quality of the groom in the wedding party when he commented upon the groom and groomsmen in their matching penguin outfits; it's a safety measure. If the groom poops out, the next one down the line steps to the left and takes his spot.

Men are a requirement -- in the standard heterosexual wedding, at least -- but the wedding industry seems to suggest that women can send the boys out to play while we arrange the whole thing, with ourselves as the celebrated centerpiece. Here's an example from the WeddingChannel.com:

"Denise had always wanted to have an intimate home wedding filled with fun and memorable moments, and a spectacular decor... . When it came to plan [sic] her wedding, Denise went for the wedding of her dreams and a chance to fill [sic] like a true princess. On her wedding day she and her father arrived to [sic] the ceremony in a traditional horse-drawn Cinderella carriage decorated with beautiful red roses to the sound of a solo trumpet...."

Where was the groom during all this trumpeted hoopla? Oh, you know, just hanging around waiting to see if his presence might be required at some point.

Well, I'll give David a somewhat bigger "role" to play, although we're not really wanting much in the way of role playing at the event, itself. But see... note that it's up to me to give him any kind of role at all. (I'll consider myself fairly successful at enlisting his involvement if he even just gives me a list of people he might want invited.) That said, he actually wants a public signing of the contract, as it were. I'd be all for skulking off in private before the guests arrive to get the actual marriage bit of it out of the way, but David's up for a more public merger in front of the assembled masses.

Speaking of all that, we had thought July 11 next summer might be a likely date, but we do have other possibilities we're tossing around. On the purple sidebar you will find another poll with possible dates. Do give us some feedback by picking any that would work for you.